I have been a Christian girl all my life. There have been varying degrees of devotion to my Precious Savior and Father through the years, but no matter where I have been in this life, He has always been a part of who I am. But what would happen if He was more then “just a part” of me? How would my life, and the lives of those around me, change if I really let go of my life and let God have His way?

   Last night, I heard that voice in my heart. The voice we so often choose to ignore and is so easily drowned out by everyday events. But last night, I stopped just long enough to hear it.

   I was sitting on the edge of my bed praying. I was feeling such a need for direction, for some kind of answer. A prayer I have prayed so many times before. Praying with such earnest but beginning to feel desperation set in. Fear growing inside that, maybe, once again I would pray just to have life continue on just as it had been before. As I continued on in prayer, in my heart was questioning why God never answers. I know He is there. I know He is listening. He even gives His word that He hears us when we call and He will answer us. So, why do I still have no answer?

   Right then I heard it, deep inside, so soft and quite. It was as if someone was whispering inside of me. But yet I heard is so loud and clear. It said, “I already told you what to do. You know what to do. You just decided that it was not the answer you wanted.”

   I sat there for who knows how long, just staring off at nothing at all, one thing going around in my head. I had known all along. I did know the answer, but I had chosen to overlook it, pretend it was never there, fighting for God to direct how I would prefer rather then the way He had instructed.

   How often do we do that in life? How many of us are going around the same track over and over again just hoping it will lead someplace new this time around? It scares me to think about how long I have been circling this same track, but it scares me much more to think where I will end up if I never go a new way, God’s way.

   1 Kings 19:11-12

11"Go out and stand before me on the mountain," the LORD told him. And as Elijah stood there, the LORD passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper.

 
In past blog entries I have shared the events of my life in addition to whatever would be weighting heavy on my thoughts or just lightly floating around mind. This is a new year, new events, new thoughts, new dreams as well as new weights. But I have been thinking…..

   At 24, I am just getting old enough to see something of this life I have been living, this road I have traveled. It has gotten me thinking, deeply pondering. Is this all there is? Is this really all God had in mind? If so, why do I feel like I am missing something, really missing something? Maybe I am finally beginning to understand what so many have been trying to explain to me all these years. Maybe I am discovering what everyone else already knows. Or maybe, just like me, they have been going through life in that mist, that sort of cloud, always lost, wandering and wondering what all this is about.

   I want to find out what this life God has given me is really about. What all of this is really about.

I know God is the only one who can tell me what I am here for, what His purpose is for my life. So it is God I will seek.

   John 6:27

...Spend your energy seeking the eternal life that I, the Son of Man, can give you.

   Hebrews 11:6

...he rewards those who sincerely seek him.

   Romans 8:28

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.